Choose the "Bad" Guy: Feminist Analysis of Love Triangles in TV/Movies [Part I]

[Disclaimer: Howdy; it's come to my attention that I need to start this way to avoid people getting the wrong idea: I'm writing about LITERARY patterns, LITERARY characters, and the places where THEY live and act. Their worlds, their circumstances. This is not a direct "Hey, go out with your life and do x" post. Literary characters are not you, and you are not them. I'm writing about how agency is portrayed and how audience is "supposed" to feel in regards to female agency/freedom/expression. Enjoy the post!]

Ever since I was a young fry of a mermaid, a particular aspect of the typical love triangle has angered me to the tips of my fins. It’s a trope we see a lot in modern fiction, but also in older stories. It is this, in a love triangle containing one female and two males, one male will be a “Bad Guy”, and the other will be a “Nice Guy”, and, almost without exception, the “Girl” will choose the “nice” guy at the end, and this is shown as the only real logical choice for her to make.

For the purposes of today’s post, I’m going to focus on the following triangles.

• Phantom of the Opera: Christine/Phantom/Raoul (movie version!)
• Avatar the Last Airbender: Katara/Zuko/Aang
• The Vampire Diaries: Caroline/Klaus/Stefan  (and pre-Delena, Elena/Damon/Stefan)

[Other examples that I won’t talk specifically about but you can connect to if you’re familiar-- Scarlett O’Hara/Rhett/Ashley, Bella/Jacob/Edward, Sookie/Eric/Bill, Katniss/Gale/Peeta, Brienne/Jaime/No one, Sansa/Sandor/Knight-in-Shining-Armor, and doubtless many more]

Dealing with Misconceptions

So, if Nice Guy is the only “real” choice, of course we should ask: Why should Girl get with him?

When it comes to arguing for the Girl/Nice Guy pairing, the strongest/most common argument are something along the lines of:

Nice Guy is “Better” for Girl

• “well, Bad Guy doesn’t deserve her. Nice Guy is waaaay better; therefore, he should be the romantic interest.”
• Another angle on this same argument is, “Bad Guy should be punished; he shouldn’t be redeemed/rewarded with love.”

Nice Guy is “Safer” than Bad Guy

• “Bad Guy hurt/insulted/treated badly Girl, unlike Nice Guy!”.

Nice Guy “Cares” About Girl More

• “Nice Guy is more selfless; he obviously cares much more!”

Now, of course, there’s a lot of overlap with these arguments; I’ll try to break them into manageable chunks, but we’ll see!

Now for the Segment Explaining Why These Arguments are Bullshit

“Nice Guy Is Better for Girl!”

Okay, revisit those arguments for a moment. The most used ones…..who is the subject of the sentence? Well, the guys are typically the focus of the arguments. Nice Guy is Nice=Love! Bad Guy is bad=No Love! There’s little analysis on what each relationship actually means for the female in question. So that’s what we’re going to do.

Christine

Phantom--nurtures Christine’s singing and singing career. Is literally willing to kill to make sure she gets the limelight she deserves.

Raoul--.....???? Well, he wants to marry Christine. When it comes to her singing, Raoul is not particularly interested. He congratulates her, sure, but he’s also present in “Sing, Prima Donna, Once More”, supporting the career of Christine’s corrupt rival. [I made a mistake in my original posting, saying Raoul wanted to keep the relationship a secret. That was my bad, and I was corrected by a passionate POTO fan. So, to fix that, it's Christine who wants it to be a secret, and Raoul goes along with it.]

Katara

Zuko--Zuko wants Katara to get what she wants. He offers to help her get revenge on her mother’s killer but is totally fine with it when she decides not to go through with it. He encourages/appreciates her water-bending for her sake. He respects her emotions, and when they fight/argue, he meets her on a level playing field.

Aang--wants Katara to improve her water-bending in order to learn from her. Once he gets better, he rubs it in her face. When it comes to Katara making her own choices (like with her mother’s killer), Aang doesn’t support Katara; he wants her to follow his limited worldview and talks down to her when she disagrees.

Caroline

Klaus--wants to watch Caroline grow; says she should explore the world and see what’s out there, that she’ll love it. He says he intends to be her last love, but he doesn’t mind what she does until that point in the distant future.

Stefan--wants Caroline to stay the way she was. He’s uncomfortable with her vampire nature (even though she’s way better at it than him!) and tries to repress it. He wants to keep her in one place--doesn’t encourage her to expand her talents or interests.

Elena

Damon--wants to be a part of her life and be someone she cares about. He doesn’t mind when she changes and usually devotes himself to smoothing her way, whatever she chooses. When she’s human, he fights her enemies to keep her safe. When she’s a vampire, he teaches her all the tricks of the trade and how to safely enjoy herself.

Stefan--only wants Elena when she’s her human self. After she’s a vampire, he keeps pushing her to go back to her more human-ish ways. He can’t stand it when Elena makes calculated decisions as a result of her new reality, ie: “vampires exist”. They break up largely because Stefan can’t get behind Elena’s vampire self.

Now the question portion for ya:

• Which relationship offers the Girl the most agency/independence/freedom?
• Which relationship nurtures the Girl’s personality, letting her learn and grow?
• Which relationship offers to develop the Girl’s skills/knowledge/experience the most?
• Who actually encourages Girl to “better” herself?

Well, dear reader, for every relationship, the answer is, “The relationship with the Bad Guy.” Bad Guy tends to be interested in Girl for, well, herself.

Nice Guy, on the other hand, is usually interested in Girl for his own sake. Everything he wants for her reflects back on him.

“I need to redeem myself. I need my honor back.” (Emphasis mine)

Nice Guy is “Safer” than Bad Guy

This is a very common argument against Bad Guy getting with Girl. Normally, Bad Guy has a dark past, and he usually has hurt people or even killed them. This also comes from the oh-so common kidnapping trope. In these stories, Bad Guy always kidnaps Girl. Always. Sometimes more than once. When arguing for Nice Guy, the kidnapping is usually equated to/connected to sexual assault [‘Cause all bad guys are rapists, right?]. So, the idea is, if Girl chooses Bad Guy, he will...kidnap her more! Rape her! Kill or hurt her, like he’s killed and hurt people in the past!

Kidnapping and Boundaries

It’s just a fact; Bad Guy in a love triangle will kidnap/keep against her will Girl at one point or another…

You Could say It’s a Thing….

But, a very important distinction to make is this: Yes, Bad Guy usually kidnaps girl, but he doesn’t hurt/assault her during the kidnap. Scare? Yes, certainly. Threaten? Sometimes. But actually harm? No.

The reasons for the kidnapping are typically two-fold; there is something Girl has that Bad Guy needs for something else (information on an enemy, a skill he needs to solve a problem, etc), and the secondary, more secret, reason is to be in contact with Girl (he wants to talk to her, is interested in her, etc., but needs a way to make her hold still to do the talking). Despite being “bad”, Bad Guy has boundaries, and his goal is not to hurt Girl. In fact, after the kidnap, Bad Guy usually establishes rather clear boundaries for himself/Girl, often physically separating himself from her, especially at first.

Seduction vs. Assault

Now, the boundaries set is not to say Bad Guy doesn’t push Girl’s boundaries. He does. Always. Look at the kidnapping pictures; all of them involve physical intimacy--closeness, touching. Bad Guy makes his interest in Girl very clear, but then he backs off. Bad Guy does not rape girl; he does not grope girl. Though he touches her, it’s usually her face, arms, hands (sometimes waist if a dance/song is involved). It’s not assault; it’s an invitation. It’s an expression of interest. This is because Bad Guy respects Girl. He just isn’t socially calibrated about making his wants known in a non-scary way. When Girl says, “No”, Bad Guy usually listens/takes pains to help Girl feel less afraid. (This usually takes the form of a confession of some sort; Bad Guy reveals he is not-so-Bad™ after all. More on this later!)

“My own dad burnt my face. And you’re the only person I’ve ever (or will ever) let touch my scar”

....basically a quote

The Seduction and Role of Sexual Agency

Now, a point. The relationship between Girl and Bad Guy always has a sexual undertone. It’s in the body language--the intense eye-contact, the passionate reactions, the touching. It’s because Bad Guy’s whole goal is to get Girl to come to him. He wants her to choose him. This is sometimes played up to make Bad Guy seem more threatening; he’s a corrupting force! I used the pictures from Phantom of the Opera here because it’s really the focus of this story. Raoul and Christine share a cute, innocent love anchored in their childhood friendship. The Phantom and Christine share passion. This is portrayed as very negative, and the audience buys it. “The Point of No Return” (just go watch it. It’s awesome) is supposed to be Christine’s declaration of sexual agency and choice for the phantom--ignoring that Raoul forced her to be there to sing it in the first place, thereby negating the choice she was supposed to have…..But, what if she had the freedom to make the choice, and made it? This song is the definition of “yes means yes”. Christine’s lines leave nothing to the imagination; she wants it.

But, she doesn’t make that choice. She’s forced into it because of Raoul, and she eventually chooses Raoul. Raoul is the safe, sexless, romantic option. The same goes for most of the Nice Guy characters. They’re portrayed as less sexually present; if their attraction rates screentime, it’s in a hidden way. It’s sort of a, “he doesn’t want it, so he should be the one to get it, right?” idea, and then Girl just sort of “naturally” falls into it. Especially in modern stories, Nice Guy and Girl will have sex, but the point is not the passion, it’s the “supposed-to-be”.

…..Pardon me, ladies and germs, but this is bullshit. Why is the heroine “supposed” to choose the passionless option?? Why is this the “natural” choice for a woman to make? It all goes back to old-fashioned patriarchy and the idea that a woman’s sexuality is threatening. Women aren’t supposed to want things. They’re not supposed to burn, ache, or pine. If a male shows up offering to make her feel those things, it should be a No-thank-you-Mister from her. This is “right”. This is “natural”. Passion is dark and animalistic, and it’s only supposed to be the realm of guys, especially the Bad ones. She should receive the man’s sexuality, not instigate it. And Bad Guy is dangerous because that’s exactly what he wants her to do--instigate.

That’s why it’s incorrect to equate Bad Guy’s boundary pushing with sexual assault. His ultimate goal is for Girl to choose him, and if he forced it, that would negate the whole point. This is also why, when Girl chooses Nice Guy, it works; Bad Guy doesn’t fight it because he’s all about Girl’s decisions.

Okay, That’s Great, but What About the Safety of Nice Guy?

Okay, Nice Guys very seldom kidnap their love interest. This is a fact. However, Nice Guys do something worse, in my opinion. Nice Guys push and lie.

• When Christine has her first big night singing, Raoul shows up out of the blue, tells Christine she’s coming out with him, and when she says she has something important to do (singing with the Phantom), he ignores her and walks away.
• For the first couple seasons of Avatar, Aang has an unrequited crush on Katara. He forces kisses and attention on her that she doesn’t want and rebuffs, but then he guilts her for not liking him.
• Stefan hides his vampire nature and the fact he’s a damn serial killer from everyone for as long as he can, and when it’s discovered, he drama queens about it, then minimizes it while try to make other people look bad, “Yeah, I’ve killed hundreds of people via dismemberment, but he’s the murderer!”

Nice

Nice Guy uses false pretenses to get close to Girl; Bad Guy is very up-front about getting close.

So Who is “Safer”?

Well, when you look at the side effects of the actions of Bad Guy and Nice Guy, it’s the Nice Guy who typically puts Girl in more danger.

• Raoul doesn’t listen to Christine’s concerns about the Phantom until it’s too late, even though Raoul thinks the Phantom will hurt Christine.
• Aang is constantly wearing away at Katara, trying to force her to like him while simultaneously dismissing things she considers extremely important.
• Stefan hides the fact he’s a vampire from Elena even though he might, you know, eat her, and then, when she knows, he hides the fact that he’s a dangerous serial killer. He also minimizes this to Caroline who still doesn’t understand the depths of his violent past. He is a risky person to be around, and he has enemies, and he somehow thinks this is not important to tell the women in his life.

When Girl is with Bad Guy, it’s usually the safest she’ll be in the story. Bad Guy is not going to hurt her, and if anyone tries to hurt her on his watch, Bad Guy will kill them. Girl is scared, but she is also safe.

When Girl is with Nice Guy, she is not safe. She is in danger from Nice Guy himself, who may try to press his attentions on her. She is in danger of Nice Guy’s hidden agenda/self. She is in danger of Nice Guy’s enemies who he hasn’t deigned to tell her about. This dynamic is demonstrated most strongly when Bad Guy takes Girl from Nice Guy. It shows Nice Guy sucks as a protector, and that if Bad Guy was really bad, literally any and every terrible thing would happen to Girl as a direct result of Nice Guy’s suckage. Sometimes, Girl is kidnapped by an actual villain, rather than Bad Guy, and then, she usually does get hurt. Thanks, Nice Guy.

Nice Guy “Cares” About Girl More

One thing people usually assume about Nice Guy is that, as a “better” or “good” person, he automatically cares about Girl more. Let’s revisit the ground we’ve already covered on this:

• Despite being Nice™, Nice Guy is motivated by his own selfish desires and typically is actively against Girl getting any sort of agency in her life.
• Nice Guy, to preserve his image, is willing to let Girl be put into risky situations and left there until he’s forced to come clean.

How, exactly, is this “caring more” about Girl? Who benefits from the actions of Nice Guy? He does.

• Bad Guy is motivated by a desire to be close to Girl, but his actions empower Girl to do what she wants and to be able to do what she wants.
• Bad Guy tells Girl what’s up, even when her knowing the truth is detrimental to him.

Who benefits from Bad Guy’s actions? Not him. Her.

Conclusion

The typical arguments that support Girl and Nice Guy getting together don’t have much merit. When looking at the actual effect of Nice Guy’s choices, Girl is the one most negatively affected. Nice Guy is so concerned with “keeping Girl safe” that he A) completely ignores her wants/needs B) lies to her. A lot. C) fails to protect her. These all have their roots in Nice Guy not trusting Girl to be able to “handle it”, whatever “it” is. Bad Guy, on the other hand, positively affects Girl. With him, she becomes more skilled and more sure of herself. He doesn’t lie or hide things from her, allowing her to make informed choices and to be active in protecting herself. When focusing on Girl, it’s obvious which relationship offers her more and is healthier for her. See you in Part II with “Dealing Out Truths”! Thanks for reading! Like and share!